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About Deviant Member Raven StromdansMale/United States Recent Activity
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ravenstromdans
Raven Stromdans
United States
Current Residence: Frederick, MD, USA
Favourite genre of music: Acoustic folk/rock
Favourite style of art: traditional fantasy
Operating System: Windows 7
Wallpaper of choice: Anything Norse or forest related
Skin of choice: Wolf, maybe raven...preferably a combination of both
Favourite cartoon character: Thundarr The Barbarian
Personal Quote: "May the Wages of the Sword be Kind; may my next step never be my last."
Interests
Was reading over one of those kinds of "maturity" checklists, the kind that are ostensibly written for one gender, but actually address the other and I started thinking:

It's been a long time since I thought I was somehow perfect. Even when my opinion of myself was at it's highest, I doubt I projected much in the way of positive self image. I suspect that image has been steadily tarnishing since the implosion of my first relationship; 20 years is a long time to rehash a single failure, especially when it's the first one. Pretty much everyone is given to the mistakes the first time they do anything. Sometimes you learn on the fly and sometimes you find you just have to start over.

Anyway, the list I was reading reminded me that I'm still something of a split decision when it comes to relationship material. I have a steady, well paying job, but I'm overwhelmingly lazy in other parts of my life. I have a lot of interests, but none that I'm particularly passionate about or pursue with any amount of dedication. I value intelligence, compassion and creativity, but I'm also grotesquely shallow. There's a number of different things I'd like to do with what's left of my life, but I've got no real ambition, no impetus to even get started, much less realize those goals.

Given the state of my life, I often find myself wondering if it's worth the effort to start over. I suspect I'm already more than half done with my life and I've settled into a pretty deep rut of complacency over the years. I find I have less and less energy to push my boundaries, to generate the energy to try to overcome my own weaknesses and basically to heave myself out of this cyclic trench I've dug for myself.

There's plenty of things I'd like to do that might help press me out of my routine: I'd like to stop working my day job (using the term loosely) and write full time for a while, just to see if I could do it; I'd like to travel a bit, see how the experience hits me after being stationary for so long; I'd like to indulge my other creative urges a bit more, go back to the piano again, maybe try sketching again like I did in high school; I'd actually like to change my day job to something that maybe doesn't have the same amount of presumed stability, but provides a greater sense of accomplishment.

The problem is most of those endeavors require money I don't have to spare or energy I don't have at all. As it stands right now, after I get off of work I barely have the energy to make it upstairs to bed; sometimes I just sack out right on my couch. I'm exhausted...by a life that barely has anything in it.

How am I expected to rise to the challenge of the more active life I desire?

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:icontheghostsiren:
TheGhostSiren Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for favoring my work :blackrose:
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:iconravenstromdans:
ravenstromdans Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2014
The pleasure is most assuredly all mine. 
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:iconzakfrost:
ZakFrost Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014
*tips fedora*
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:icondomodrama:
domodrama Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014   General Artist
Thanks for the fave! Means a lot! Thank You Birthday Sign 
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:iconravenstromdans:
ravenstromdans Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014
You're welcome; always nice to see something that was created locally, even if it was a visitor rather than a resident. :)
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:iconhokusaimurales:
HokusaiMurales Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you for the fav!
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:iconlilimeitys:
Lilimeitys Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you:hug:
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:iconravenstromdans:
ravenstromdans Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014
You're welcome. Thank you for taking interest in my writing.
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:iconlilimeitys:
Lilimeitys Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
of course^^
you are welcome:D
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:icontheghostsiren:
TheGhostSiren Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for favoring my work Black Rose
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